One Last Tear 3

EX!

2007-07-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

I missed Church!

So no notes for this week... sigh... no one helped me get a copy too... forgot to ask. But CX letting me photocopy his. AND THE TITLE's the reason! I'm on exercise... EX ******* (classified nya)
at ***** (oso classfied nya)... Its damn fun... I'm blogging on site now with my PS behind me.... the time is now 0302. help! i still need to stay awake till 0600. I wanna go home...

Was chatting with candy... something came up.. the fact that church takes up a lot of time... aaaa lottttt... I'm not complaining... just saying that it does. i like going to church... and cell... but its damn cute when i think about the initial struggle i go through... first of all.. its "me" time den the "i dowan i dowan... i still wan to rest" time followed by "church" time den finally the "i dowan i dowan... i still wan stay in church" time. Haa... wonder if i'll ever get used to it.

Mmmm... On this note of moral and spiritual dilema that i face and think about on a daily basis... i think i'd share one here for anyone that would read it. Here goes:

A man is praying to God that his failing business will recover, He's been a faithful servant of God and been a good christian. He had been praying very hard and his cell has shown him support in prayer as well as morally. Sometimes he grows frustrated that his prayers have not been answered but he alwas kept it in check believing that one day it would be answered and his business would recover and maybe even prosper.

Cell mate A told him when seeing him in his struggling state, "You need to hang in there, always remember, if one payer isn't enough, pray more and God will eventually show you the path." And to this he answered,"Thank you brother, for you're advice and guidance. i had almost forgotten."

He continued to pray fervently, as his business held on by a thread.

Cell mate B told him, " Maybe you're looking at this in the wrong way, you musn't only rely on God, God wants u to show some effort as well. Pick yourself up and work harder. We're there for u. And to this he answered,"Thank you brother, for you're advice and guidance. i had almost forgotten."

He concentrated on working hard, but still the business wavered.

Cell mate C told him, "I tell you now, even when i have no right to... You're prayers are not answered beacuse they have been selfish, and you're actions bear no fruit because you have not used them for the lord. Pray for others, without expecting returns, only when u do that will you be great in the eyes of the lord. Use that strength that you go about you're job for the lord and you will be annoited." And to this he answered,"Thank you brother, for you're advice and guidance. i had almost forgotten."

The story ends here, i do not know wat he did after, nor do i know how many cell mates had helped him but i think i have made my point... or not. I'm not sure. Friends, wat you've read is completely hypothetical and may never happen to anybody... It's just Food For Thought. Think about it. Then maybe share it.

A good message

2007-07-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today I wanna share a good message by Guest Speaker Rev Dr Richard Roberts.

He taught us the Different methods of healing demonstrated in the bible. Ladies and Gents, please read up yeah.

John 14.12
Matthew 8.13
Matthew 9.22
Matthew 9.29
Matthew 15.28

The laying on of hands
Mark 16.18
Mark 6.6
Mark 7.33
Luke 13.13
Luke 4.40
Acts 28.8
1 Peter 2.24

Speaking the word of healing
Psalms 107.20
Matthew 8.3
Mark 2.11
Mark 10.52
Luke 6.10
Proverbs 18.21
Acts 3.6

The anointing oil
James 5.14-15
Acts 19.12-13

It's God's will for u to be well
Exodus 15.26
Psalms 103.3
Exodus 23.25

The operation of the gifts of healing
1 Corinthians something something

Remembering that healing and wholeness should be seen as a whole body perspective
3 John 1.2
Romans 8.26

Praying for someone else's healing

Enjoy... pls tell me if i left out anything...

a thought

2007-06-15T14:18:00.000+08:00

What is it that is so different about christians... compared to other christians... How exactly should christians behave in public? What kind of behavior are we showing to others? even to other christians? Slacking on the job? Jostling in a queue? Speaking behind others? Are such the actions we want others to be seeing. keep in mind brothers... such actions are already unbecoming from a moral point of view... but what that of a christian?

I am disgusted. We must try harder, my family in christ...

The Fulfillment of the Law (Matthew 5:17)

17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

I am not perfect and i have my reflecting to do.

Judging Others (Matthew 7:1)

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Prayer

2007-06-04T19:27:00.000+08:00

slightly more than a week ago, a friend of mine answered a call from god. god gave her a mission... to ask me to church with her. i was touched. i have waited so long...

I have a church, they are my new family. GOD, let me forgive myself so i can be closer to you.

Giving up on dreams

2007-06-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

about 5 years ago, i wanted to become a fashion designer... about a year ago i told myself to be realistic... i did not have the talent to design clothes, nor do i have the skills to sew or knit... but i was still passionate... passionate about that world. about the clothes, the glam, the people and the lifestyle... fascinated even. about a week ago... i had a scary thought... i may be too old to enter into that life when i finish studying. I'm 21 this year... when i enter UNI i'd be 22 and graduate at 26... if i was to enter into laselle i wld only graduate at the very least, 30. how is someone with no capital and no connections supposed to enter that market at the age of thirty? How? This realization is rather terrifying for me. If i survive UNI, wat awaits one carrying a sociology degree? even my BA in fashion was only meant as a point of interest... how am i to survive out there in the world? how? I want to be able to give my children a good life. letting them walk the best path imaginable. how many times have we wished we could turn back time? i have... and i still do now... there are regrets in my life. regrets about decisions i've made on impulse and/or stubbornness. it was my dream to be a fashion designer/manager, i may have to forget this dream now... i do not know but... we can only walk on...

yesterday is college day.. doo da doo da...

2006-05-28T12:31:00.000+08:00

why mei rush me to blog again... only for her entertainment de. ok ok... so i've been in stagmont camp for about 3mnths already posted out to be a saikang warrior(in stagmont) after 2 weeks and posting out again to 8SIG(in stagmont camp) on the 19th of JUNE. so basically... i'll be spending my entire army life in stagmont. and considering that i've studied in PJ for 3 years and will be in stagmont almost 2 years... i must say i'm getting bored of the scenery there... and the croaking of those huge frogs. my gosh... u hear them every night...
yesterday was college day, i hav to admit i was much better than if i had gone for NDP rehearsals at khatib camp... u cld say i chao keng... haa. met up wif elson, another recepient of the leadership award.. i got a feeling we got it because of long service award... sneaked off to talk to the band... den had dinner wif jiemin went home.. watched spongebob till late went to bed and wha la! here i am!

ohh ohh... i came in contact wif my pretty senior again... presenting... *drum roll* JANE! hahaa... model ne...

i was forced!

2006-04-30T02:10:00.000+08:00

a week and 3 more days b4 i 'graduate' from signal institute and become a unit man. life in signal camp has its ups and downs... ups as in wake up and downs as in i'm so sick and shack that i start counting the number of dust bunnies on the floor. For those of u who are going to signal camp, tag me... cld give ya some tips and passing the numerous test and keeping urself occupied after office hours. i'm still sour i couldn't get into OCS though. damn the system! theyt can't handle admin nor logistic problems... my bunk has been without fans for 3 weeks... i'm sure if i looked around somewhere, i could probably find some legit statement to sue their asses. NO FANS!

i haven't got a reply from any of the uni i've applied... getting worried... ..... ....... ........ this is seriously not the day to be blogging... i can't process my thoughts into words properly... getting slivers here and there. but oh well... i promised me sister... give her something to read when she's bored. i'm actually quite surprised that she actually reads my blog.. probably too bored that day or something. i've updated my links. check the gymnast one out. i think it's incredible.

that's it! just not in the mood to blog today... maybe tomorrow... k mei?

booking out 4 results

2006-03-01T21:17:00.000+08:00

it's been 3 months since i've my enlistment in the army, having enlisted on the 3rd of december. so far i'm adapting well (i guess) and really pushing myself to get posted to OCS......
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ok... now y did i start this post. i've got almost nothing to talk about.
well i booked out on the 28th of feb at 10pm immediately after sch1's CO/recruits' evening, went home, bathed, slept, woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again, washed my fatigues, dried them, ironed, to school... got results... wandered aimlessly around lot1 for a tad, took the MRT back home. ran some errands, had dinner.... yup... and now i'm blogging.

haha... i noe wad i cld talk about... the changes that have happened to my sch mates. much to my surprise... a great many of them found the time... away from studying and exams to fall in love. such a pleasant surprise that i... couldn't help but reflect abit... whoa and behold... i found out that i did not want to fall in love anymore. i don't... i do not... having said that i wanna clarify that I'M NOT BECOMING GAY!!!! In fact i've widened my social circle quite alot while i'm in the army... making aquaintances wif ppl from different cultures, school of toughts and class. the above mentioned are girls. How u might ask do ppl know girls in the army? the ans is this... it is much much easier to obtain numbers(phone) from guys of their female friends den from girls of their gender. i've even been granted the prospect of obtaining the number of a certain zh eng yo ng li ng, ter esa tsen g's number. forgive me... i had to break up the name so that ppl wouldn't do a search of that name and come across my blog. for those who are ignorant. she is one of the finalist of the campus superstar on channel U. for me... i think there's little doubt that clara and geraldine would win her. She is a social elite and to those *^%(#*& who think she would succumb to sex for $300 shld be hanged! HANGED!!!!

hmm. back to the subject... i think one reason i do not wish to fall in love is that i'm waiting for the one to appear. my heart wishes to settle down at last. for now i only wish to expand my social circle. wider and wider... hopefully getting aquainted wif social elites.

since im bored... a note on the NYP gal. oh somebody do ask me if i have the 16 min file... oh please do... i'll make sure i crash ur computer so hard... the blue screen of death wld have a phantom burn into ur cornea for years to come.

ok... i'm done... i still have errands to run.. and a call from a dear friend to wait for. it.. like many others who say... msg u later or call u later... will probably be a lie and excused by the phrase(s)... it was too late already... or i forgot. that does not stop me from waiting anyway... am i stupid or wad!

to those who are blessed wif clics and great friends... i envy and congrajulate u.

The Drip

2005-12-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

by Totenbuch Christ

A drip of water. A tiny bead. In itself, a tiny universe.

Swirling.

The first step. A gigantic step into the suicide of eternity. Falling. Falling. Swirling and falling. What life. What wonderful life.

Now hold it there, in time. Look now into it. That swirling ocean that exists but in a dot. That victim of gravity. A world in itself, drawn into the brunt hostilities of a greater mass.

Within that globe, all that is necessary for life to exist. Falling. Suicide.

Inglobate in its death it falls now. Held in the fingers that molds it into the world.

Released into the hands of time and gravity. Its death now is cretain. Falling. Falling. Look.

A shattering thunder of silence as it hits: Impact.

A phoenix of absurdity it lies and is again what is was. Lifeless in its Genesis.

Waves of nothing roar in the emptiness. Looking now. Looking. See.

Now again, row upon row, an assembly line of worlds, run down the Fallopian tube. Squeezing out between the broken seal, unto death.

Easing to the edge, as if to secure its grip, it slips, fumbles and falls.

Suicide?

Games

2005-11-22T03:36:00.000+08:00

Do you go to parties and find nothing to do but drink, talk, listen to music, have sex, and other trivial boring things? Well, now Sponge Monkey brings you "Party Games". Inside are the secrets that bring life to parties. Here's a taste of some of the great games that you can play at parties with simple household materials...

1. Throw The Mop - Take a mop, start yelling at it, and throw it to the ground and start kicking it. First person to make it tell you government secrets wins. Great fun.

2. Brick Game - A two to four players sit around a brick in the middle of the floor and stare at it. First person to go insane and claim it's staring at them wins!

3. Rope in a Bucket - Two players. One person holds a rope in their hands and pulls on it. The other player watches and cheers on the rope. There is no winner.

4. Destroy that House - All that is needed for this game is two little paper houses. Two to four players sit in front of their houses and smash the crap out of it. Players then argue for an hour on who destroyed their house the most.

5. Jump - Four to eight players needed. One person stands in the middle as the rest watch. Middle person jumps. Other players decide if it was olympic material.

6. The Depression Game - Two to Ten players sit in a circle and harp about how depressed they are. Great for those "Wild" parties.

7. World War - Eight to 26 millions players. Last person left to write history of the war wins.

8. Knees - Six players sit in a circle and take turns naming mammals with four knees. First person to say "Elephant" wins.

9. Skiing - Two players, one designated the "skier" and one designated the "mountain." The "skier" remains silent until the "mountain" yells "obstacle." The "skier" must immediately yell "dodge!" Or they lose.

10. The "Kill" Game - Two to twenty players take turns rolling dice. The first person to get double six's goes first, but, if one person rolls and eleven, then (s)he is disqualified immediately, unless they are wearing feathers. The player who goes first (the one who rolled the six's) will begin to renevate the basement of the house (unless it is already renevated, in which case, he will find another house somewhere in the neighbourhood with an unrenevated basement, and begin to renevate it). The rest of the game follows in sequence. The winner is the person with the most honey on their shins. In the unlikely event that there is no honey involed, the result is a tie game, unless the person renevating the basement goes home, in which case, the winner is Boris Yeltsin.

The Girl Who Made People Think

2005-10-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

In a world that had put aside such silly notions as thinking, it was odd that a girl such as Sasha would exist.

For a great deal of time, people use to do a lot of thinking. They usually thought about themselves, but sometimes, they managed to pull themselves away from that topic and think about other things. The trouble was, they usually ended up thinking about other people.

Thinking about other people is just about the worst thing you could do. Nothing good has ever come out of thinking about other people.

People who think about other people would get cursed with one of the two curses. People would either get to like the other person or start to hate them.

Liking always lead to disappointment. Hating always lead to someone getting killed.

People would then have to spend a lot more time thinking. "How can I get them to like me better?" Would cross their minds a hundred times.

"Why should I get them to like me? What could I make so that I could better enjoy killing them?" Would cross the minds of others.

At one point in history, everyone decided once and for all that thinking was a silly thing for intelligent people to do. From then onwards, they swore, they would never think again.

They managed to keep their promise for thousands of years and it served them very well. There was no longer any wars, economic recessions, famine, or any other "great evil". Even if there was, no one really cared about it.

Then all of a sudden Sasha was born and fucked up the entire world.

At one point in history people used to think that there was a god. They are no longer so foolish. But were there to be such an entity, this is what he would say, seeing the first and only true Utopia come crashing down: "Shit."

Sasha had a rather odd ability, an ability she had no control over. When people looked at her, they found themselves think about all sorts of things.

This usually ended up scaring the shit out of people. People would looking into her eyes, which were blue, and thought of silly things, such as oceans. One woman looked into Sasha's blue eyes and thought this: "Fish." It wasn't that big of a thought, but it was a beginning. Later on that evening the same woman came up with this expanded thought: "Fish swim in cheese." She was, of coures, totally wrong, but she did at least think of it. Over the next serveral months she would constantly work on her thesis and a mere second before her death came up with the all new: "Fish swim in butter." Still wrong: Maybe she isn't a good example.

A man accidentally looked at Sasha's black hair and thought of trees. "Trees," said the man to himself. He then thought of himself in a tree. He then thought of himself next to a tree. He wondered how he could turn that tree into a stool. He wasn't sure why he thought that, but he did. He then thought of himself with a rather heavey piece of metal attached to a pole. He kept swinging the object at a tree. Then suddenly, the tree was no longer standing, but lying down. "How odd," said the man when he thought about it. The man then began to cut up the tree and finally, in his thoughts, he had a stool. He was quite proud. Then he came up with the thought that topped all the other thoughts. He thought: "Can I bring my thoughts out of my brain and actually make a stool." He then did everything that he had done in his thoughts, only this time, for real. After several months, he had a stool. He then thought: "What now?" He never did think about sitting on the stool. He wasn't the sitting sort.

The world was slowly being destroyed. Everywhere Sasha went, more and more people were thinking. Too many people were saying this to themselves: "Can I bring my thoughts out of my brain and make them real." or "What now?"

Then Sasha met a boy. This boy was different from all the rest of the people, for when he looked at Sasha, he thought of Sasha.

He looked at her eyes and thought, "What lovely eyes." He looked at her legs and thought, "What lovely legs."

He looked at her teeth and thought, "What lovely teeth." To give the boy some credit, Sasha's eyes, legs and teeth were rather lovely. Basically, Sasha was an incredible woman. No one had ever thought about it, but had they, they would have no choice but to agree with the boy.

The boy sat and thought about Sasha all day long and during the nights, he dreamt about her. She became his entire life. He fell so deeply in love with her that it would most likely make anyone else sick, if they thought about it, which luckily, they didn't.

The boy's thinking grew and grew with each passing second. Soon he was writing poems about Sasha. They weren't any good, in fact they were rather pitiful attempts at poetry, but since poetry hadn't been written in over four thousand years, it wasn't all that bad.

The boy thought about love and the more he thought about it the more that he became convinced that he was in love with the ravishing beauty.

But no matter how much he convinced himself, he could not build up the nerve to walk up to her, to get any closer then he had been. He would follow her all day long, staying as far away as he could, but still within range of watch her. He watched the effect she had on others, for as she walked, he could almost feel the people around her beginning to think once again. He could feel the cob webs within their minds brushed aside by the power with Sasha. He was so glad that he had fallen in love with her, who had such power. He was like a proud parent.

Finally he could resist no longer, although fear burned within his mind, he swore that if another day passed without being able to speak to the girl he loved, he would kill himself.

The hours rode on. The sun began to fall, but still he held back. He feared that she would reject him, so much, that for a while at least he thought that death might be better. At least he would die, confident in his dream that she had a place in her mind for him.

But then, as the evening approached, he decided that to die without even attempting to win her love would be the greatest tragedy of all time.

So within seconds of the final hour, the boy ran up to where Sasha stood and after a moment of tension, stated "Hi."

Sasha looked at him with her lovely eyes and said nothing. "I don't know how else to say this," said the boy, "But as soon as I saw you, I fell in love with you." He turned red and turned away. Instantly his mind was full of so many thoughts that he could not do anything. A great wave of depression hit him and he wished that he had died. "What a fool," he thought to himself. "She will hate you."

Turning away, the boy had not noticed that Sasha had continued looking at him, though lovely eyes they were, they were also blank, unthinking, for Sasha had never looked at herself. She remained in the state that people had sworn to remain. The boy's words had passed through one ear and out the other. Though she looked at him, it was not her conscious thought that did so. Her eyes merely focused on him, for he was the thing in front of them.

"I'm sorry," said the boy, turning back to her. "I feel so silly." He felt stupid, but thought that "silly" would be a better thing to say, how could Sasha fall in love with someone who was Stupid? He still did not realize that Sasha had never had a thought in her life. Though she had the power to give thoughts to others, that gift, or curse, had been denied her.

"You probably hate me," he said and then built up the courage to look into her eyes. It was then that depression overcame him again, for the first time he realized the tragedy of Sasha. He looked into her eyes for a long time, hoping that somewhere within the bright blue waters would be the slightest hint of thought. He fell into a dream of hope, knowing full well that it would be impossible. But still did he imagine. He imagined that within those lovely blue eyes was someone that cared as much about him as he did for her.

But within those eyes he only saw desert. Blank and lifeless. Blue seas of desert. Sand storms of motionless non-existence. The walking dead, an undead horror of unearthly beauty.

Sasha was the empty shell that gave life to others. The boy was nearly comsumed by his defeat. All that he lived for had been crushed, or so he believed. He hated himself and hated the curse that Sasha had bestowed upon him. He wished to float in the empty void once again, he wished to be free of the burden of thinking. Free from the pain that thinking had caused him.

He fell to his knees and began to cry. He no longer felt embarrassed showing his feelings, for he now knew that Sasha was merely a brick wall. Were he not totally drained of all energy he might have rose at that moment and bgan to smash that wall with his fists. He would have killed Sasha for she now represented all that he despised.

He pounded the ground till his hands were too sore to do it anymore. Finally he rose, to look one last time at the woman of his dreams, the nightmare that had brought him to the doorstep of insanity. But Sasha was not there, she had continued on as if nothing had happneed, for Sasha, nothing had.

The boy collapsed once again. Hope had once more been washed away. He had thought for a second that all his greatest fears might not be true. In the face of despair, he had dared to hope, but now saw how useless that was. Only the ones who looked at Sasha could think, and she was eternally exiled from the power of her own image.

The boy looked down at the twinkling pool of tears and saw within the mocking image of his own face staring at him. "What a fool you are," the boy said to the reflection. "What a fool," and with that he slapped the tiny pool, to rid himself of his own stare.

The boy felt the weight of life upon his shoulders, like Atlas, as long as he lived, he would have an irresistible force upon his back.

"What an evil thing thought is," the boy thought. "Before I thought, I did not know the pains of life, did not feel the icy grip of life. For so long, the thinkers of the world feared death, thought of it as a cruel monster, a Grim Reaper, with a hideous skull, ready to take its prey to hell. But can any world be more terrible than this? Is this not hell? Death is merely escape, death would save me."

His thoughts concluded, the boy decided to take his own life. He pushed all other thoughts from his mind. Nothing must distract him. The beautiful flowers and warm sun were merely a facade, a cruel joke.

Without delay the boy found a knife and used it to cut deep slashes into his wrists. The blood squirted uncontrolably from the open woulds as the boy stared into space. He smiled gently, knowing that soon he would cheat life from any more amusement. He was not a toy for life's own pleasure. He would not play upon the stage of life, the cruel plot ended here.

But as his perceptions began to wander, from the weakness that the blood lose had brought about, he against thought of his lovely Sasha. He saw her as he had seen her before his encounter, and he convinced himself that the lifeless husk he had met was not the real Sasha. The Sasha was a lovely thinking wonderful woman. She danced about in great fields of flowers. Her laughter was heard from one end of the world to the other. Everyone loved Sasha and more importantly, he loved her and she loved him. Then suddenly the dancing Sasha turned to stone, cold and lifeless. He cried out in his dream, as the mocking sneer of his own image, reflected in pools of tears stared at him, laughting evilly. Thousands of mirrorss reflecting his own image back upon him. He stared into his own eyes a thousand fold.

Images of himself came back upon him. Images were reflected.

He burst from the dream weak and soaked with his own blood. He could feel his life slipping away and fear grew within. He could not die. Sasha would love him, he knew that she would love him, if only he could see her once more.

The mask of death had been torn away, he saw it now as it truly was. Death was a hideous monter and it had almost tricked him into sacrificing himself to it.

"I will not die," he told himself. "I can not die." He tore the shirt from his back and tied up his wrists with in, hoping to block the flow of blood. He dragged himself to his feet, still weak from the blood lose, but determined. A warm glow grew within, shedding the coldness of empty veins. A power was in him, the power of his own will.

Determined, he stumbled out to find the woman of his dreams.

"Sasha," he cried when he at last found her. She ignored him as she ignored the world, still stuck in the void of her own thoughtless mind.

The boy stood in front of her again, standing tall and brave, "Look," he said to her, "Look at yourself. Look into your own bright and beautiful eyes!" And with that, he held up a mirror.

As Sasha stared into her own eyes, she saw the desert fade under an emerald glare. Bright flowers sprung up from the earth and blossomed. Trees rose high and majestic. The desert was gone; bright glowing life overflowed and Sasha thought her first thought.

By Totenbuch Christ

it's all in a days work.

2005-05-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

wad is ur real self... as in when ppl ask u not to hide behind a mask and just be yourself... i suppose everyone has heard that b4 some form or another...
my question is...

wad is this 'urself'? who can decide whether you're 'urself' or not... is 'urself' you when ur know ure not deceiving others? or in terms of a girl telling a guy to show the real him so that she may love that version of him... wouldn't 'urself' simply be a new mask you think will attract that girl? i know i'm confusing some ppl... but i'm trying my best so bear wif me. i'm going to replace the word 'urself' wif X now...

which guy in the right mind will show X to a girl, esp when he knows she'll be disgusted wif it. ok nvm... i shall stop... this is getting no where... the thoughts are fluxing in my head and the outlet is too small...

all i want to say is that... i believe that X does not exist. what u want to be u can be. the mind is a very flexible thing... if u believe in something... it will occur.. . y do u feel that ur not urself? only when ppl tell u not to hide behind a mask... deep down inside you might feel that ure not X... but that only happens because thigns are not working out for u... once you found that perfect personality and character that suits u... you're 'urself'... and when things don't bode well... you simply not X. simple as that... can't explain it any clearer... if anyone thinks i'm a crackpot go ahead and say it... but do me a favor... do it behind my back...

for me... i am and am not hiding behind a mask... sometimes a mask is defined as a brave front put up to face danger... for me... it's wat i use to put ppl at ease... to confuse and deceive them... bad person? who cares... all a little fodder for u gossip queens out there. wanna piece of me? come get it...

this is the real me... wat u see of me everyday of my life... an adapting calculating scheming machine... and i will keep changing... watever the situations demands of me.

wif regards the previous post

2005-05-26T19:14:00.000+08:00

to my church mates... i emphasis 'church mates'
don't u dare... marks my words... don't u dare come poking ur nose into my business and expect me to open up to u. i promise u... i will retaliate... many ppl say to me... solve your own problems b4 u solve others... to u who dare so to intrude into me life... admit and cleanse your ugliness b4 u try to attempt the impossible... i'm not like u ppl... a cell grp doesn't mean automatically mean i must share wif u guys...

u have to earn my respect.

the world is changing for me too

2005-05-26T19:07:00.000+08:00

i just came across a bit of beautiful news... 2 of my "friends" got attached. for those who know me... u'll understand y i put the inverted comma's over the friend word.for those who don't know me... it's not because they aren't my friends... but i simply don't consider anyone to be a friend. take that last statement any way u want... i don't care. to the happy couple... i'm really happy... really i am... pls do not associate anything thats happening to me to be about them.

i ahve jsut broken up wif my girlfriend.. recently... the exact day i choose to forget... for the first timein my life... i initiated the break up... i will not disclose why mainly because ppl judge b4 thinking. and a loose tongue spells disaster.i don't care who u are... i will not tell u why. hate me or draw conclusions if u must but i've made my stand.

here's another thing i wish to reveal... i'm not affected by this breakup... then again i never ahd been affected by breakups... but this time it's different... i'm crumbling. literally... my shield is cracking... replaced with a stronger material which would isolate me from the rest of the world... the world is fake... love is but an illusion that keeps the hole in ur heart temporarily occupied... this may sound like i'm being bitter and jealous about others and their spouses... but i assure everyone that i'm not... sooner or later the hole in the heart will be there again. onyl when you are able to adapt and understand the significance of the hole and respect it 'presence' will u truely grasp the meaning of life and the purpose u serve during ur short stay on planet earth.

gibberish? probably... i have a problem wif formulating ideas into words... and my GP exams's tomorrow. ha! oh well... i'll try my best. thoughts run fsater than the speed of typing or even talking... BIG DUH there... i'm glad i have my sisters around me... ppl i can trust, ppl who wld replace the entire definition of best friend... or even still... take it's place btw girlfriend and best friend... but my sisters... to me... are family... taking their place beyond the meaningless friends and girlfriend's phase... but... even with sisters there are things one cannot share...

i had a friend once... her name's shirlene... she unconditionally brought me into her circle of friends... and taught me the meaning of friendship... for that moment... friendship was something greater den wad a boy girl storybook romance is or can ever be. i really loved her... though only one of her many many many many many many many mannnnnyyyy friends... i felt special... really special. she gave me the strength to continue my work and my destiny (laugh all u want, u noe it's empty laughter) but alas... our friendship didn't last... i gave into temptation and wooed one of her friends... i didn't succeed... but that's not important... the attempt made me lose a friend... shirlene yeong... me 'made up' but things aren't the same anymore...

that was 2 years ago. i hope she reads this... i really do. maybe the power of the WWW work in my favor for once... shirlene... i need u... save me...

hahahaa!

2005-05-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left
arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on
either side of
cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm
holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
pill to back of
mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,
hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse
to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into
mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get
another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
side for
gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat
with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans,
drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s
forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill.
Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth
open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door
back on
hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records
for date of
last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one
from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from
tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while
swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning
gloves from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
fillet steak.
Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash
pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit
quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from
right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new
table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet
shop to see if
they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

meow!~

2005-04-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

Just feel like meowing... 13th week now... meow! i'm studying my econs now... hmmm. homework half complete... tomorrow have to open the band room again... oh yeah for those who don't know.. i've just got the teachers approval to let us open the band room for practising and studying provided one senior is in at all times(not even toilet breaks)... needless to say we mustn't take it for granted and ignore the base rules... seniors please cooperate with me... i hope to let the j1 promise as much as they can since they are not allowed to borrow the instruments yet... at least not for these 2 weeks... let me explain... i will not be allowing any lending of instruments to the j1 because the instrumentation list is not complete and the actual list of j1 members is confirmed... so bear with me... j1 who feel the need to practise please make use of the band room on non-band days (excluding sat and sun) to practice... the band room should be open around 2.30 till around earliest 5... latest 7 plus... depending on the availiability of the seniors... please note that this is a student initiated program so please do not abuse it... Lets make band a great place to go to. any querys can contact me. 97603143, please sms during sch hours and leave a name so i can address you. cheerio!

titleless

2005-03-26T20:34:00.000+08:00

Entering the twelth week tomorrow... hmmm... i hope i can do well for my commons... and later 'a' levels... cross my heart and hope to die...
anyway... i got my crumpler! wheeeee! dirty green wif orange strips. => love it love it love it!

sigh~ funny why one can't be happy when one's close friend is not... sigh... geri don't be sad please please? now if only u download firefox so u can read my blog! =<

a little short entry today, my mom's nagging at me to study... guess i should have started sooner.

2005-03-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

actual last paper tomorrow! so happy! econs! love it too!

i think i'm finally heeding the advice many have given me b4... smile more!
my gosh i couldn't stop smiling this moring lor, no matter how hard i tried... (show ear to ear grin). i know it looks horrible but bear with me la... it helps keep my mood up... though many have already confessed their thought... "STOP SMILING LA ZEK! i feel like hitting u lor!" hahaa... probably it's because it's the exam week i guess... hope no one would mind if i continued smiling after this. *shrug* =>

lalalalaaa.... ok ok... last paper doesn't mean don't nid revise... i'm off!

love maths... just lurrve maths...

2005-03-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

Well tomorrow's my last paper, kind of... i'm not studying now... not going to later either...

tomorrow's schedule:
morning... go study, revise abit
afternoon... sit for 3 hr paper
evening(after paper)... try to teach abit of maths to my junior
late eveing... econs like hell man!

i made a promise to myself... if i did up to my expectation, i'll treat myself to a crumpler sling bag!

but the focus is now on maths! for my crumpler!!!!!

quiz quiza quizzas

2005-03-21T17:03:00.000+08:00

so many quiz! gotta try them all!........ econ's a silent killer...

You Will Die at Age 70

70

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...

And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

You Are 65% Normal

(Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal

You're like most people most of the time

But you've got those quirks that make you endearing

You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

You scored as Female. Awww, your such a doll! So beautiful and wonderful, just like a mother. Ya must be a female.

Female

83%

Both

75%

Male

67%

Male or female?
created with QuizFarm.com

What Get Backers Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

What Flame of Recca Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

What Ninja Class Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

What Rurouni Kenshin Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

What Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

hopes

2005-03-16T12:28:00.000+08:00

the commons are due in 4 more days. i'm nervous. i know won't have time to finish studying everything. trying my best to prioritise now. just got back from econs consultation in school. absorbed a great deal but wondering if i can apply it properly. hopefully i can prove myself. it's quite a loss the other econs classes didn't have this consultation. might have benefitted quite a lot of ppl. it certainly did to me... sigh...

it's quite cool really... dat only those that use firefox can read my blog... i have no idea why though. must have crapped up in the HTML. (FIY) i completed this entire blog layout using only HTML, no blogskins for me, they're too rigid. got much more to learn from html though. maybe i should contact mozilla and have them look into my scripting. haha... maybe eventaully there would be an encryption done to block IE users from viewing firefox sites... hahaa... STOP using internet explorer! it SUX! no offence to Bill GAtes, but u should put up more protection for ur browser instead of trying to sell it in so many little parts. ok i've got to stop now... i'm complaining too much.

scream

2005-03-06T19:59:00.001+08:00

i wanna i wanna i wanna!!!
i wan a crumpler sling bag!
i wan a apple 23-inch dual screen!
i wan a i-pod slim!
i wan a lambourghini DIABLO!
i wan a mac wireless keyboard!
i wan a stereo mike for my MD!
i wan a wider vocal range!
i wan good results!
i wan better brains!
i wan perfect eyesight!
i wan to be able to hear properly again!
i wan no more migranes!
i wan to slim down!
i wan a faster comp!
i wan i wan i wan!!!!!!

............... sigh......
forget that...i wan a hug....

stressed!

2005-03-05T20:04:00.000+08:00

everyone should be stressed! i need a bloody study group, and everywhere i look i see ppl who are just so laid back... dang it! tomorrow i'm getting my maths tys changed... management of business indeed... sheesh
today i went to church to do some community work (if u can call it that) paper work, stamping envelopes, putting stuff in them, stinckers on them and sealing them... all 300 of them. took me a good 3 hrs. around there. but i had help, a mouse and a dog... haha.... nice ppl... no lulu, not u... i have other mice friends... =p
i have just finished my econs essay... and i'm sorry to say the TYS DID NOT HELP! now it's chem... god help me... at least i don't feel tired... yet.... so... back to my work... and please ppl... if u see me... study! and don't listen to me when i say 'stop studying, you're stressing me!' ok? just don't listen to me!

I've decided

2005-03-05T09:05:00.000+08:00

i've decided, blogspot's not a good place to develop my dream, no siree...therefore, i shall start using this as it was meant to be, a blog. So to start off, like elson and my sis, i bought the econs tys too, adding on to that i bought a maths one too, wanna hear something funny? i took the wrong book from the shelf, now i'm holding onto a management of business tys for god knows watever for, screw that!
the "A" level results were released yesterday, i didn't ask anyone about their results, in fact i didn't dare, i was stressed beyond belief, which brings me back to y i'm wasting time to type this entry when i have my homework right in front of me too... a couple of my friends did quite well though, AAB, ABB... so on... and for a moment i could have killed every single one of them. i have no confidence of achiving such results, though i dearly wish to get an AAB...... dearly, really... i wanna i wanna i wanna i wanna *throw tantrum*. screw it!
and u guys don't think AAB is good enuf?! Wat the hell! (pardon me, this is a 70's term that i picked up)
sighhh, pray for me... i wanna score well too. and i'm really glad you guys scored so well...

hmmm

2005-02-22T22:49:00.000+08:00

yo elson... ure a 'c'? nice one ar... keeping it so quiet. anyway... i'm just yelling this to whoever wants to listen... rmb the first time my blog was deleted... well... this time, all my friendster account friends have been removed... ohh... for the record... the passwords for this blog and that's the same... the diff... i make backups of this one... *shrug* ohh well... watever... to that person: i really can't be bothered wif the childish acts ure doing anymore... sure u've got me pissed, but don't worry... it's not like i'm going to hunt you down or anything... i'm just gonna give u the satisfaction of knowing that ure annoying me... how's that? happy now? haha... ohh wait! u can reply by choosing to delete or not to delete my blog again! now isn't that something... On the other hand, if u still wan to settle this maturely, my offer's still open. oh and btw... my imagstation account passoword is different so don't bother trying... god bless...

...

2005-02-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know why i'm typing this out... but the template is almost complete... and i'm glad... in fact, i wan to thank that person who deleted it... u just made me learn html encoding. hopefully soon i'll be able to get it up and running. let me jsut take this opportunity to thank my friends who offered me their support. and to chia sin who made my blog work... thankew thankew thankew!!!! if u ever need any help wif abstract logos u have only got to ask. The creed will be up soon, hopefully... i haven't been able to find the right words.

i'm sorry

2005-02-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

to everyone:

um. peeps... as u all can see this blog has changed back into it's orginal template and everthing's gone. this is not on purpose. To those who know about this blog, it was deleted... and not by the OLT members. wats done is done. all the information in the previous blog can no longer by recovered. i'm not just going to stand there and watch someone ruin my dream so here i am redoing it.

To the person or computer glitch who was responsible for deleting my blog, my password and profile is still the same, u may attempt to delete it again, be my guest. but this time i will keep a backup. needless to say, everytime u delete my blog, i will change the blog title by one count. if u do have a problem wif me, bring it up, and we can talk this through, within the blog itself , in front of the world wide web. i'm not saying this to intimidate u, i just wan the world to be my witness. if i really have done something to you that points that i'm not suitable for carrying on on this blog, i will give up my dream. my dream not to help people directly but by creating a forum where ppl can discuss their experiences and learn from one another and shed light on their own problems. if the previous sentence offends u... once again, i'm sorry.